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How to figure out where your confidence actually comes from

This is a question I asked myself a lot of the past year. Where does ones confidence even come from. Does it come from the outside? Does confidence come from within? Can we cultivate confidence on our own? While I can't claim to have published papers about this, I have done a fair amount of research on the topic. I looked deep within myself when I noticed I felt my most confident and with others when they were feeling the same. Inversely, I asked myself hard questions when I recognized that feeling had drifted away. In today's post, I am going to share what I've discovered, because guess what, confidence is indeed a skill that can be learned and cultivated.

Confidence comes from within, but you have to know where to look

If I were sitting across the table from you, this is what I'd want you to know first and foremost: confidence is already there, but you may struggle to find it because you aren't looking in the right places. When I sat down to really figure this out, I came to the conclusion that confidence stems from three places: how we look, how we feel, and how we think. It's a trifecta and when all of them is absent, it can feel like your confidence has disappeared. This is why I am such a firm believer in fostering all three aspects and building habits around them to keep that confidence flowing on the regular.

How We Look

This can sound vain. This can sound frivolous. This can even sound like it isn't something that you should be spending your time on. I believe those to be stories that have been sold to us based on the "idea" that how we look needs to be some kind of pre-packaged, filtered image of beauty. That's not AT all what I am referring to when I speak about this important aspect of our confidence. What I want to help women understand is that how they look DOES have an impact on how they feel about themselves and that it's worthy of their time as something to focus on. My hope is to first bring about a sense of awareness and then teach the skills around putting outfits together that feel authentic and align with your life. Cultivating your personal style can light you UP in ways you may never have imagined. Just think of a time, even when you dressed up for Halloween or a special occasion, and felt on top of the world. You can feel that everyday with a little guidance (hint, hint...capsule wardrobes with variety galore)! That being said, your outfits are only part of the equation.

How We Feel

You can put me in a cute outfit any day of the week, but if I feel like crap, the clothes aren't going to help. This piece of the equation is HUGE for me and I know I'm not alone. When confidence is bubbling out of me, it's because I've been taking really good care of myself. I've been paying close attention to what I put IN my body and I've been moving my body regularly. I spent most of my life worrying about my weight and my body, like so many women, and doing things in a way that weren't really serving my body. What I've learned after having kids and really investing in my health, is that our bodies require balance not deprivation, nourishment, and movement. And once I found ways to make that easy and sustainable, I began to FEEL like a different person. Add a cute outfit on top of that, and the confidence piece began to flow.

How We Think

This part seems like it should be the easiest to tackle. We have control of our thoughts right? I actually think this is one of the more challenging parts of our confidence. Our brains are trained to seek out the negative. It's a protection thing and that can often lead us to self-doubt and lacking confidence. BUT, I also know that there are many tools out there to help redirect those thoughts and retrain our brains to work for us, rather than against. It's a matter of creating new habits, feeding your brain on a regular basis, and doing the work to own the confidence that is already within.

And so, the trifecta. Discovering the confidence within can be done! If you aren't excited about how you look. Let's connect. If you aren't feeling GOOD on the daily, let's connect. If you need some guidance around your thoughts, let's connect. I'd love to help you cultivate that confidence no matter how buried it's become.

How Does This Look in Real Life?

PS, if you are curious about how these concepts play out in a day in the life, I put together a quick video to share how it works for me. At the end of the day, I am always on the hunt for things that really simplify the day to day. How can I feed my body, brain, and get dressed in a way that takes less time and brain power? That's where the rubber meets the road. Hopefully this brings a little clarity to the how side of things!

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